Akatsuki Christmas
by Ris-chan
Summary: This is what happens when Tobi introduces Christmas to the Akatsuki. It is utter chaos...this is chapter one...
1. Chapter 1

An Akatsuki Christmas

"Zetsu-san!!" Tobi yelled racing down one of the many hallways in the Akatsuki lair.

"What is it Tobi?" Zetsu asked turning around to face the hyper ninja.

"It's almost Christmas!!!!" Tobi screamed jumping up and down excitedly.

"What's…Christmas?" Zetsu questioned curiously.

"0-o…Are you serious?" Tobi asked wide eyed. He couldn't believe it. Zetsu-san didn't know what Christmas was? I mean sure they were all S-ranked criminals but everyone was supposed to know what Christmas was right? RIGHT?!

"Wait…is that where the fat pervert comes down your chimney and rapes you?" Zetsu's black side spoke up.

"Errrr…no…Santa comes and delivers presents to all the good little boys and girls." Tobi explained.

"Oh…I was close…sorta…anyway was Tobi a good boy?" Zetsu asked smiling.

"Yup!!! Tobi helped an old lady drive home from the store the other day," Tobi said proudly.

"Wait…since when do we have cars? And you can drive?" Zetsu asked puzzled.

"Weeeell…the car kinda went over a cliff…," Tobi answered softly hanging his head.

"Oh dear…what happened to the lady?" Zetsu asked his stomach growling.

"Her brains flew into a bush that was close by…" Tobi replied.

"Darn…that's the best part too," whined Zetsu.

"Tobi has to go now. Tobi has to tell everybody else to prepare for Santa!" Tobi yelled running off.

"Poor kid…thinks there really is a Santa…" Zetsu's black side commented.

"What are you talking about? Of course there's a Santa!" his white side argued.

"There is no Santa!" his black side retorted.

"Is to!" the white side spat back.

"Would you shut up?!" growled Kisame as he walked out of his room which Zetsu happened to be arguing in front of.

"Make us!" Zetsu yelled angrily.

"Fine have it your way," Kisame said holding up a spray bottle.

"Wh…what's that..?" Zetsu stammered nervously.

"A water bottle," answered Kisame spraying Zetsu in the face with water.

"AUGGGGGHHHH…..IT BURNS!!!" Zetsu yelled jumping up and down.

"Good," Kisame replied turning around to go back into his room.

"Wait…," Zetsu said so softly that Kisame almost didn't hear him.

"What?" Kisame questioned eyeing Zetsu suspiciously.

"We will get our revenge…," Zetsu threatened.

"How you can't touch me," Kisame smirked. (Brenda and I think he's been hanging around a certain Uchiha to much.)

"But…what about…Eric?" Zetsu asked starting to laugh. (Sorry if you don't get the whole Eric the half bee thing. I got it from Monty Python Fish License.)

"E…Eric the bee?" Kisame asked nervously.

"Soon to be Eric the half bee…," Zetsu replied sinking into the ground.

"What?! NOOO!!! Not Eric!" Kisame yelled falling to his knees and starting to cry as Zetsu's maniacal laughter filled the hallway.

"This means war!!!!!" Kisame yelled angrily.

To be continued


	2. The christmas tree

"Heh-Heh…," Kisame snickered as he filled up 20 spray bottles with weed killer. "Bring it on Zetsu!"

In Zetsu's Room

"…We will win…," Zetsu muttered to himself as he sat there thinking up ways to kill Eric.

"Hey Zetsu un! It's Deidara can I come in un?" Deidara asked pounding on Zetsu's door.

"…What could he want?" his black side thought out loud.

"I don't know…yes you may come in," Zetsu's white side replied.

"Thanks un," Deidara said as he walked into the room. He could just barely make out the dim outline of Zetsu sitting on the bed.

"What do you want?" Zetsu asked in a bored tone.

"…REVENGE UN!!" Deidara yelled tackling the other Akatsuki member.

"Hey!!...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Zetsu screamed as Deidara tied him up with lights.

"You! You threw out my hair dryer!" Deidara yelled as he started to drag him out the door.

"What are you going to do with me?" Zetsu growled.

"You're going to be our new Christmas tree," Deidara said smiling evilly.

"Whaaat?!...but...but…," Zetsu yelled shocked.

Flashback

"DEIDARA-SENPAI!!!!" Tobi yelled bursting into the blonde's room.

"What is it Tobi un?" Deidara asked sighing as Sasori rolled off of him.

"Tomorrow's Christmas!" Tobi replied excitedly.

"…Christmas?" Sasori asked.

"Yup...but there's just one problem…," Tobi said his head drooping.

"What un?" Deidara questioned curiously.

"I can't find a tree!" Tobi whined.

"A…tree…a tree…a tree…of course un! That's it un!" Deidara yelled excitedly jumping up. "Don't worry Tobi un. I'll get a tree for you un."

"Really?! Oh thank you senpai!" Tobi replied trying to hug the blonde.

"Now go tell the others un," Deidara said pushing Tobi out of the room.

"Deidara what's with that evil smirk?" Sasori questioned his lover raising an eyebrow.

"Revenge is sweet un…I'm off to go get the tree un!" Deidara yelled racing out of the room leaving behind a bored Sasori.

End Flashback

"Perfect un!" Deidara exclaimed smirking as he stuffed Zetsu's mouth with red tinsel. Zetsu couldn't scream at the blonde so he settled for glaring at him.

"OH! Senpai it's so beautiful!" Tobi squealed racing up to Deidara. "I sent an invitation to Orochimaru!"

"…Tobi un…," Deidara said his one eye flashing.

"Yes?" Tobi asked confused.

"…Why did you do that un?" Deidara questioned him fairly calmly.

"So he could get into the Christmas festivities too!" Tobi replied.


End file.
